I really hope that this post challenges you. I hope that I somehow get more readers than the few friends of mine at EMU who also blog. This is for everyone. Men/women. Married/single. Young/old. It is definitely for me too.
It's the day after Valentine's Day which I dislike for many reasons, none of which actually include the fact that I am single. I told Rebekah that I was going to write a post about my pet peeves of relationships and how there are certain things that seem so normal in a relationship that I don't want in mine and that I want to be held accountable for. After yet another wonderful Bible Study with my girls at Aletheia, I have a much better post in mind.
Have you ever completely had your views rocked? There are a few things I think most people know about me. First off, I'd love to think that everyone knows I am a Christian. I try my hardest to be a genuine Christian as well. Along with being a Christian, a lot of people know from either me freely talking about it, or from people asking why I wear a ring on my left ring finger but am not engaged, that I have chosen to remain sexually pure for my husband and for Christ.
Sexual purity sounds pretty great to me. What more could you want from your future spouse? Well. I can name a few other areas we need to be pure. And let me tell you. Sexual purity seems so easy compared to the other three I am going to tell you about. I will be the first to admit that I am not pure, but I now know what I need to work on.
So I'll start on my easy one. Body. Sexuality. However, this very well could be someone's hardest category. This does not just pertain to sex though. I can't put it any better than Lauren did tonight. She said it is, "any physical act pertaining to any form of sexuality outside marriage." Maybe this is easy for me because I don't have a boyfriend. I am not kissing someone on a regular basis (or at all) in a way that would make me question my boundaries. I have thought more about the future because of this though. How far will I be willing to go with a boyfriend? Break ups happen. While I would love to think that my first boyfriend will turn into my husband, that just can't be guaranteed. I know that especially in this world, this thought can sound crazy, but what if I don't want to kiss my boyfriend? I want to be as pure as possible for my future husband, even if it means not kissing him when he is my boyfriend. Is kissing other boys pure? Nope. Not really. Of course, this is something which he will have a say in too.
Heart. Our heart encompasses our affections, emotions, desires, and passions. Let's be honest. Girls typically are more emotional and emotionally involved than men. This is a struggle for a lot of people. It's so easy to stay up late talking to someone who is not our betrothed. It's easy to become involved intimately with someone that we shouldn't. Honestly, this one doesn't effect me that terribly much. I think most of the guys that I am really good friends with are purely platonic friendships. I don't have enough fingers to count how many boys I view as my brothers. I don't necessarily even mean brother in Christ (which they are too) but just brother. They're like family to me and I'm pretty sure it's something they think too. I think virtually all of my guy friends know that, if nothing else, our differing of opinions is enough to make a relationship not work out. I know that nothing will happen between us, so I don't emotionally attach myself to guy friends of mine in a way that I shouldn't. I know it is hard for some people though, and most likely will be for me too when I gain some nice Christian male friends who are conservative.
Okay. These two go in order for me. Mind. Oh man. This one is definitely a struggle that I never knew I had. This is our understanding and thoughts. It's our impulse thought. What do I think about as I brush my teeth in the evening? Or when I am standing at the stir fry station making some eggs for breakfast? I can tell you that it's probably not God. My problem is that when I really get to know guys, I find out that they're not right for me, and I move on. It's when I'm getting to know someone that this whole mind issue occurs. I make scenarios in my head. I think, "Oh, well, he's like this and this and this, which is great, because I do this, and so this can work out..." I don't actually know these things about a guy. I just make this awesome guy in my head that to this day hasn't been right. It's just this horrible future of what Janelle thinks is best for her life. I'm sure that God has belly laughed at some of my thoughts and plans for my future.
Soul. I always thought that this one was easy too. Everyone's heard stories of people selling their soul to the devil, whether it was to gain a golden fiddle, or to play Paganini. Funny how both of those examples have to do with playing the violin... Haha. Anyway, I've heard time and time again never to date a non-believer, or in a term that I found hilarious, flirt-to-convert. It's a no no. You just don't do it. It's more than that though. It's spiritual compromise. It's going to a church or church function in hopes of meeting your future spouse. I will be the first to admit that it has crossed my mind a time or two that I could meet my future husband at Aletheia and how completely convenient that would be. We would have similar beliefs. We probably would both be passionate about spreading the gospel and might be involved in an Aletheia church plant! But, I mean, I know that I don't want my future husband going to church for the intention of finding a "nice Christian girl" and I shouldn't either, for a boy, of course. Church is for God. My life is for God.
My challenge for you is to think about how much you would be okay with your future spouse to have done with their exes, or even friends. It's really making me think about my friendships with my brothers in Christ. Maybe it's not okay to be texting my guy friends random things that don't really matter throughout the day. I don't want my future husband to be doing that. I don't want him staying up late talking to a girl on a deep level. I don't want him sending other girls cute messages or notes. I need to get back in the habit of journaling to my future husband. It's a great way to funnel all those those thoughts in a positive way.
Think of everyone as being your sibling in Christ. Do it.
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